When we use the word “should,” we’re not accepting reality. We talk about things that we wish were so, but aren’t. It is usually motivated by a lack of acceptance rather than encouragement. You “should” do this and “should not” do that, makes this everyday word a brick with which we build walls. It becomes a fixture in our everyday dialogue.
When we tell ourselves that we “should” be doing something, we’re implicitly reinforcing the idea that we’re NOT doing it. As well-meaning as it might be, it reinforces the negative, and the fact that things are NOT perfect as they are. When we’re focused on how things “SHOULD” be, we murder a lot of possibilities – of what can be or might be. It becomes something to be ‘done with’ (like a duty) whether you really want to do it or not. I have seen that when I do something purely because it needs to be done, my heart may not be in it. When my heart is not in it, I have to force myself to take action (usually accompanied by an underlying resentment). The task is carried out like a chore; but that doesn’t fulfill either me or the supposed beneficiary of that action.
On the other hand, if I do something with the fullness of my heart (and that happens when my own needs in that moment are fulfilled), the action carries the energy of whole-heartedness, which not only fulfills me but also fulfills the recipient of that action. It is desirable to do something of our own accord – when we are not bound by the ‘shoulds’, but because we want to do it.